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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Trending via Instagram:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

People should come with warning labels.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Trending via Twitch:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

11 Funny mattress quotes

Funny mattress quotes bring a whole new level of comfort and laughter to your bedtime routine 🛏️😂 Whether you’re a nap enthusiast or a full-time sleeper, these witty lines will have you giggling before you even hit the pillow 😴✨ Perfect for sharing with friends or brightening your day, get ready to embrace the cozy side of humor!

New funny mattress quotes 👇

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

2 months ago

bedroom, domestic, domestic task, fitted, fitted sheet, help, honesty, humor, i, lie, mattress, me, put, relationship, sex, sheet, task
An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

2 months ago

air, air mattress, best, comfort, etiquette, guest, guest etiquette, hospitality, houseguest, humor, mattress, social, social humor, stay, tell, too, visitor
Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

2 months ago

advice, blanket, funny advice, humor, mattress, money, savings, sleep, sleeping, weighted, weighted blanket
At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

2 months ago

adulthood, age, comfort, good, humor, mattress, priorities, sleep, want
I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

2 months ago

bed, crunchy, food, humor, i, joke, mattress, pun, sleep, Tempura, too
The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

2 months ago

bed, childhood, fears, floor, humor, imagination, mattress, monster, monsters, possibility
The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

3 months ago

comfort, experience, fine, guest, guest room, humor, i, mattress, room, sleep
King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

3 months ago

bed, code, distance, humor, king-sized, mattress, relationship, same, sleep, want, zip, zip code
Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

3 months ago

funny situation, humor, just, mattress, relationship, situation, sleep, wake, wake up, wife
All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

3 months ago

activity, favorite, favorite activity, humor, laziness, mattress, relaxation, sleep

For even more funny mattress quotes, hit next 👇

All funny mattress quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on TikTok this month:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,327

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

Going viral on YouTube:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Trending via Facebook:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Going viral on TikTok:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Just landed via Threads:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴