Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don't deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Commentary:
"Who knew proverbs could be so judgmental about our waking habits? 🐛😂 Maybe it's time for some updated wisdom: 'Early bird catches the worm, but the late risers get brunch instead!' 🕰️🍳"

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone cranked up the dial on the snooze button to 'extra-strength' mode! 😴🚀 Must be that top-secret Chinese coffee substitute they're using. ☕️🇨🇳"

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Commentary:
"Good morning to everyone except the ones still searching for their Roommate of the Year award 🤷‍♂️📚 Hope they stumble upon some good vibes today! 😂"

Not again. I mean good morning.

Not again. I mean good morning.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of mistaken time!⏰😆 Good morning, evening, afternoon – it's all just a social construct anyway! Embrace the chaos of a time-bending day!⏳🌞 #MorningConfusion"

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Commentary:
"Who knew the struggle of wearing hard pants could be so real? 😂 Sending thoughts and prayers to your body as it copes with this tragic start to the day! 🙏 #BringBackSweatpants"

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Commentary:
"Good morning to everyone starting their day with self-confidence and zero validation cravings! 🌞🙌 Keep slaying, no need for strangers' approval to shine! 💁‍♂️💫"

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Commentary:
Looks like you've turned your morning routine into a classic comedy routine! 🏃‍♂️🤣 Don't worry, you're still ahead of everyone who never even announced they were going to jog! #RunningGag

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Commentary:
"Well, looks like someone had a passionate heart-to-heart with their feline friend last night! 🌙🐱 Now it's a bright new day, and the awkwardness is hitting harder than a hairball. Time to embrace the sober reality of talking love with your cat before coffee kicks in!"

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Commentary:
"Good morning to everyone except for the monologuing customers turning the supermarket checkout into their personal podcast studio. 🤐🎤 #CashierIsNotYourTherapist"

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Commentary:
"Who needs cereal when you can have a nice cold brew to start your day? 🍺 Forget orange juice, I'll take a pint of beer, please! 🍻 Just remember, it's all about balance – maybe save the whiskey for lunchtime. 😉"