Home » Funny People Quotes » Page 53

715 Funny people quotes

Trending Funny People Quotes 🔥

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.
It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.
They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.
I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

More funny people quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Commentary:
"Who knew that Icarus wasn't just grappling with the sun, but also battling those spicy hot wings? 🔥🍗 Looks like wings aren't just dangerous for chickens! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Commentary:
"Watch out, I'll be throwing some Old Testament shade your way! 😂🌾🔥 May your WiFi forever be spotty and your phone always on 1% battery! #BiblicalBurns"
5 months ago
Share →: The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Commentary:
Looks like Jesus had a real last supper letdown! 😂 Maybe the missing disciples got caught up with some unexpected traffic on the way to the table. 🚗 At least the leftovers probably lasted for days! 🍞🍷 #DinnerDilemma
5 months ago
Share →: People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Commentary:
"Rise and shine, early birds! 🌞⏰ Let's make time for both coffee and a healthy serving of my BS – it's the most important meal of the day! 🤣☕ #MorningBanter"
5 months ago
Share →: People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Commentary:
"From the bold Ariana Grande to the italicized Roman Roy, the world is filled with characters who sound like fonts! 🎶💼🎾✨ Who knew Suella Braverman could be in the same sentence as Bon Iver? 🤔🌟 And poor Jesse Ventura… stuck in Comic Sans. 😂 #FontTastic"
5 months ago
Share →: People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Commentary:
"Life's full of contradictions: 'No right or wrong way to do it' until boom 💥, you find the wrong way! 🤷‍♂️🙃 #Oops"
5 months ago
Share →: Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Gym-goers with earbuds found to be secretly yearning for unsolicited gym small talk. 🎧💬 Who needs personal space when you can bond over weights and awkward encounters, right? 😉 #NormalizeAwkwardGymChatter"
5 months ago
Share →: Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Sources confirm that this post is indeed coming at you from Planet Earth 🌍🚀! And remember, folks, location, location, location – it's all about that intergalactic privacy 💫👽! Keep 'em guessing, Earthling! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Commentary:
"Maybe then the mannequins can rock some loungewear in style 😂👵👴 Who says fashion can't be comfortable and relatable, right? #AgeIsJustANumber"
5 months ago
Share →: People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Commentary:
"Remember, folks on a diet aren't giving you the side-eye – they're just staring down their salad like it stole their dreams 🥗😂 #FoodEnvy"