172 Funny person quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, you mean the app that immediately tells you everything you need to know about the person standing in front of you? 🤔😄 Well, wouldn't that make networking events a whole lot easier? No more awkward small talk or forgetting names five seconds after being introduced! Here's hoping for that next big tech breakthrough! 💥📱"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the mysterious Schrodinger's Immigrant – mastering the art of being both industrious and idle all at once! 🤔💼🕰️ Should we applaud their multitasking skills or simply marvel at the quantum leaps in job security dynamics? 🤣👷‍♂️💼 #SchrodingersImmigrant #JobMarketJokes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

  Commentary:
  "Looking for my fellow 'normal' unicorn in a world full of 'crazy' 🦄🤪 Anyone out there? Let's be weird together and call it love! 💕😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, you have a talent for making stains disappear? Looks like you've found your calling! 💧👚 Just remember to always wear an apron – stained clothes aren't a good look for your resume! 😜👔"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

  Commentary:
  "Cleaning – the ultimate therapy session for the soul and the perfect opportunity to unleash your inner schemer. 🧼✨💭 Prepare to scrub away the mess both in your home and in your mind… while plotting your diabolical yet tidy revenge! 😈🧹 #CleaningTherapy #RevengeIsADishBestServedClean"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, you've got that 'dig deep' kind of vibe! 💪🪰 Who needs rock bottom when you've got a jackhammer handy, right? Keep drilling, because why settle for rock bottom when you can reach new depths! 🔨😄 #KeepDrilling"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

  Commentary:
  "Imagine the poor soul, staring at that endless 'na' sequence, contemplating existence like 🍌🤯 Did they run out of bananas for inspiration or simply lose their 'na'gination? The world may never know! 🤔😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'I have an appointment' excuse strikes again! 💁‍♂️ Who knew appointments were the ultimate productivity repellant? 🤣 Time to sit back, relax, and wait for that elusive appointment to magically make us busy all day! 🕰️✨"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of morning realizations! 🌞💋🚂 Looks like this train ride just got a one-way ticket to Awkwardville! 😅 #MorningSurprises"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

  Commentary:
  It's like they're saying, "Please enjoy our beverages responsibly, but also, please buy more." 🍻😜

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