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156 Funny too quotes

Roses are red. Daisies are white. I’m in a grumpy mood. My underwear is too tight.

3 months ago

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

3 months ago

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

3 months ago

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

3 months ago

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

3 months ago

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

3 months ago

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

3 months ago

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

3 months ago

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

3 months ago

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

3 months ago

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

3 months ago

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

3 months ago

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

3 months ago

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

3 months ago

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

3 months ago

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

3 months ago

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

3 months ago

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

3 months ago

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

3 months ago

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

3 months ago