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Funny unusual comparison quotes

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  • My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the eternal struggle between the heart and the jeans! 🍫🍷 vs. 🥗 Who will win this epic battle of cravings and calories? Maybe just wear stretchy pants and call it a day! 😅 #FoodieProblems”

  • What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

    Commentary:
    “Sometimes it takes 19 seasons of hospital drama to cure the Monday blues 🏥💉✨ Who needs medical school when you’ve got Netflix therapy, am I right? 😄 #bingewatchingforhealth”

  • I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like Valentine’s Day plans just got celebrity-crushed! 💔 Sorry, boyfriend, but sharing Salma Hayek might be a bit out of the budget. 😜 Maybe next year you can aim for someone a wee bit more attainable! 😉”

  • Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the beauty of sleeping – the closest you can get to being dead without the commitment! 💤😂 It’s like hitting the pause button on life, but without the consequences. Win-win indeed! 😴👍”

  • This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

    Commentary:
    Ah, well, I guess all the chronic masturbators out there must have some special x-ray vision then! 👀🔍 Or maybe they just have a knack for deciphering hidden messages in the most unconventional places! 🤔😂

  • The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs fantasies of wild adventures when a good night’s sleep is the real dream come true? 😴💭 Sweet dreams are the new sexy! 😄💤”

  • Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

    Commentary:
    “Maybe the T-Rex would have been a little less grumpy if it had a cup of espresso in the morning ☕️🦖 #CoffeeSavesLives”

  • Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

    Commentary:
    “Sounds like someone’s throwing some major ‘Mom shade’! 💁‍♀️😂 Looks like we’ve got a secret competitor for the ‘Parent of the Year’ title! 🏆 #MomVsYou”

  • A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a sugar daddy when you can have a glucose guardian? Keeping it sweet and scientific! 🍬🧪 #sweetandsavvy”

  • Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

    Commentary:
    Well, it seems like the cicadas have a secret hideout for some well-deserved peace and quiet – unlike us humans, always stuck in the hustle and bustle of daily life! 🦗🤫 Maybe we could all benefit from a cicada retreat for some therapeutic screaming sessions! 🌿🗣️ #CicadaSerenity

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