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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

57 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Just landed via YouTube:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Going viral on Messenger:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Going viral on Twitch:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Trending via YouTube:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Making waves on Reddit:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Making waves on WeChat:

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Spotted on Discord:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Home » Funny Washington Quotes

Funny Washington quotes

New funny Washington quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Commentary:
It seems Washington is really focused on the important issues here – tackling the age-old problem of messy everything bagels! Perhaps his plan involves implementing tiny bagel bibs or creating a special bagel-eating etiquette course for all citizens. Either way, it's clear that Washington has his priorities straight when it comes to the most pressing matters of our time!

For even more funny Washington quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny Washington quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

57 minutes ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Live now on Discord:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Shared recently on Threads:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

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