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130 Funny workplace quotes

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

3 months ago

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

3 months ago

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

3 months ago

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

3 months ago

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

3 months ago

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

3 months ago

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

3 months ago

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

3 months ago

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

3 months ago

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

3 months ago

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

3 months ago

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

3 months ago

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

3 months ago

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

3 months ago

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

3 months ago

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

3 months ago

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

3 months ago

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

3 months ago

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

3 months ago

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

3 months ago