Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,610

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Just landed via Instagram:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Going viral on Twitch:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Live now on TikTok:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Just shared via X:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

2 months ago

0

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your weekend had more mood swings than a rollercoaster! 🎢😄 It's like a suspenseful movie plot of light and dark moments, leading to the grand finale – Monday, the day we all love to hate! 😂 But hey, at least you got some excitement out of it, right? 😉 #WeekendWhiplash

dark, humor, irony, life, light, Monday, time, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

0

2 months ago

always, attitude, band, guitar, humor, hurt, music, performance, play, sure
Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

0

6 months ago

9, hour, hours, humor, invent, invention, late, late night, midnight, night, please, someone, time, wish
Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

0

2 months ago

activity, animals, floats, goat, helium, humor, weird, whatever
I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

0

2 months ago

date, desire, girlfriend, guy, guys, i, love, relationship, romantic, romantic desire
There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

0

2 months ago

good, having, hours, humor, interact, introvert, morning, people, personal, personal space, should, sleep, social, space, time, waking, waking up
If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

0

2 months ago

adventure, asked, curiosity, curiosity-driven, decision, exploration, fantasy, front, humor, ID, me, portal, questions

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

77 shares on X this month:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Just landed via WeChat:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Breaking via Instagram:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

Live now on Instagram:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Seen just now on Telegram:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Going viral on TikTok:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴