Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Updated

Dec 24, 2025

Users Online

3,779

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Trending via Pinterest:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Spotted on Telegram:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Trending via Reddit:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Going viral on Slack:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Going bananas on Threads:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

More funny quotes 👇

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

1

3 hours ago

away, Christmas, day, disappointment, feel, gift, give, giving, heart, heartbreak, humor, imagine, next, relationship, someone, stupid
A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

0

22 hours ago

birth, birth year, Christmas, Christmas present, consider, floor, gentle, gift, gift wrap, holiday, humor, present, presents, reminder, should, table, wrap, wrapping, year
“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

0

22 hours ago

alone, everyone, family, holiday, home, home alone, house, humor, moment, movie, peace, reminder
For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

0

22 hours ago

Christmas, confusion, figure, holiday, humor, ID, life, self-improvement, wish
Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

0

22 hours ago

1, 2, Christmas, holiday, humor, oh, procrastination, shopping, stages, stress, time
Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

0

22 hours ago

burger, Burger King, childhood, childhood nostalgia, disappearance, disappearing, fast, fast food, food, forest, going, Grinch, Grinch meal, humor, king, McDonald’s, meal, nostalgia, Spongebob, Spongebob meal, twenty
December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

0

22 hours ago

beard, belief, Christmas, claus, December, everything, fat, fat man, fix, holiday, man, me, Santa, Santa Claus, someone
Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

0

22 hours ago

alive, app, digital, digital pet, going, humor, irony, keep, mobile, mobile app, needs, offline, pet, someone, Tamagotchi, technology, virtual, virtual pet
Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

2 days ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

0

2 days ago

budgeting, finance, hate, humor, i, lose, math, me, money, personal, personal finance, self blame, spending, where

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

36 shares on Reddit this month:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

76 shares on Slack this month:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

90 shares on Slack this month:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Making waves on Reddit:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Just shared via YouTube:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Live now on Discord:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Making waves on Slack:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Seen just now on Instagram:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Going bananas on Reddit:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨