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5,000+ funny quotes

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Funny Quotes September 19, 2024

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Funny Quotes August 24, 2024

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Funny Quotes May 19, 2024

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Funny Quotes July 9, 2024

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Funny Quotes June 29, 2024

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Funny Quotes September 23, 2023

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Funny Quotes November 15, 2023

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Funny Quotes September 5, 2024