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5,000+ funny quotes

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Funny Quotes October 17, 2023

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Funny Quotes August 12, 2024

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Don’t study, get slutty!

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Funny Quotes August 28, 2024

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Funny Quotes September 9, 2024

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Funny Quotes September 29, 2023

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Funny Quotes October 17, 2023

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Funny Quotes August 22, 2024

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Funny Quotes July 25, 2024

I am single, please disturb me!

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023