Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Ah, trying to please everyone is like trying to juggle water – impossible! But hey, if you want to make everyone angry, just breathe – it's as easy as baking a cake!

angry, cake, everyone, expectation, humor, impossible, making, pleasing, relationship, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

0

4 months ago

dog, dogs, food, food joke, hot, hot dog, humor, joke, mouth, phrase, put, where, words
I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

0

2 months ago

ability, admire, block, car, cars, exactly, frustration, humor, i, light, sun, visor, where
“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

0

2 months ago

autism, exist, guy, guys, hardware, hardware store, humor, met, misunderstanding, old, old guy, perception, store, stores, work
Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

0

2 months ago

abbreviation, else, example, honesty, humor, knowing, procrastination, well, writing
Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

0

2 months ago

around, aroused, autocorrect, buddy, fail, friendship, funny situation, hang, hang out, miscommunication, situation, text, text fail, today, want
Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

0

2 months ago

affection, angel, being, compliment, flattery, getting, girl, humor, kiss, public

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Slack this month:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

65 shares on Slack this month:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

43 shares on X this month:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

Seen just now on Reddit:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Breaking via Threads:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Making waves on Discord:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨