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Commentary:
🤔 "I guess those iPhones must be working overtime to afford themselves, unlike their owners! 📱💰 Just imagine if phones could pay rent and bills too – we'd all be living the high life without lifting a finger! 😂 #PhoneGoals"

commentary, girl, holding, humor, iPhone, irony, job, relationship, social, social commentary, still, understand

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In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

1 month ago
grudge, high, high school, hold, humor, i, mad, most, nostalgia, personality, school, still, voted
I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

1 month ago
arguing, conflict, dead, dead relative, family, fun, humor, i, keep, psychic, relationship, relative
Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

1 month ago
alien, aliens, always, embarrassed, embarrassment, extraterrestrial, human, humans, humor, joke, unidentified, us
Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

1 month ago
asleep, comparison, drink, feeling, foot, humor, sensation, sparkling, sparkling water, taste, water
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

1 month ago
fascination, humor, irony, leisure, me, observation, procrastination, productivity, work
If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

1 month ago
backup, enforcement, humor, irony, knock, knock down, law, law enforcement, policeman

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

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Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Just shared via Reddit:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Just shared via Facebook:

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Going viral on Instagram:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

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Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

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Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

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I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

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You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

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Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

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