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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,496

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Live now on Telegram:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Freshly posted on X:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Live now on Discord:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Making waves on Telegram:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Seen just now on X:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

2 weeks ago

Funny text about surprise at unemployed women effortlessly holding iPhones.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤔 "I guess those iPhones must be working overtime to afford themselves, unlike their owners! 📱💰 Just imagine if phones could pay rent and bills too – we'd all be living the high life without lifting a finger! 😂 #PhoneGoals"

commentary, girl, holding, humor, iPhone, irony, job, relationship, social, social commentary, still, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Messenger this month:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

10 shares on Discord this month:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

41 shares on Threads this month:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold, I’m using Chrome instead of Firefox to read the news on my phone, because I need the ads to warm up my phone and hands.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Trending via LinkedIn:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Trending via TikTok:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Just shared via Telegram:

How is it still this week?

Shared recently on Messenger:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Going viral on Telegram:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Spotted on X:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Making waves on TikTok:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

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