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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

We need a word for a type of person who spends all their time working to live in a city so they can be near cool things, but they don’t actually like going out.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,394

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Trending via Telegram:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Just landed via Slack:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Making waves on Discord:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Making waves on Instagram:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Making waves on Discord:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about parenting embarrassment and sarcastic family questions.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 "When your kids embarrass you in public, just remember to play the classic parental card: turn away dramatically, mutter 'Who raised you?' and maybe even throw in a facepalm for good measure. It's the ultimate parent power move! 🤦‍♂️👉👧👦 #ParentingStruggles #WhoRaisedYou"

away, disgust, embarrass, kids, mutter, public, raised, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

72 shares on Discord this month:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

29 shares on WeChat this month:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

59 shares on X this month:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

92 shares on Threads this month:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,387

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Going bananas on Twitch:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Seen just now on Discord:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Making waves on X:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Just landed via Discord:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Making waves on Messenger:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Making waves on Threads:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Breaking via TikTok:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Shared recently on Threads:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

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