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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Trending via Pinterest:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Trending via Discord:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Making waves on Slack:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Just shared via Telegram:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

2 months ago

0

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 "When your kids embarrass you in public, just remember to play the classic parental card: turn away dramatically, mutter 'Who raised you?' and maybe even throw in a facepalm for good measure. It's the ultimate parent power move! 🤦‍♂️👉👧👦 #ParentingStruggles #WhoRaisedYou"

away, disgust, embarrass, kids, mutter, public, raised, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

0

2 months ago

clothes, describe, fashion, floor, humor, i, mess, personal, pile, style, top, whatever
I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

0

5 months ago

cozy, fort, friendship, humor, ID, invitation, pillow, pillow fort, room
My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

0

2 months ago

activity, favorite, fun, glad, humor, involvement, just, position, relationship, sex
Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

0

2 months ago

blackout, blackout curtain, control, curtain, decision, humor, sleep, time
There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, behavior, communication, everyone, font, font size, humor, i, me, name, sarcasm, size, someone, taken, team, type, whenever, workplace
I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

0

2 months ago

capable, chew, doing, food, humor, listening, lot, people, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on X this month:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

63 shares on X this month:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

25 shares on X this month:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,659

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Making waves on Facebook:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Seen just now on Threads:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Breaking via Messenger:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Trending via Slack:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Spotted on X:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Just shared via Telegram:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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