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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Trending via Discord:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Just shared via Threads:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Trending via Threads:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Going viral on WeChat:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

1 month ago

Playful quote about parenting embarrassment and sarcastic family questions.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 "When your kids embarrass you in public, just remember to play the classic parental card: turn away dramatically, mutter 'Who raised you?' and maybe even throw in a facepalm for good measure. It's the ultimate parent power move! 🤦‍♂️👉👧👦 #ParentingStruggles #WhoRaisedYou"

away, disgust, embarrass, kids, mutter, public, raised, turn

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Facebook this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

88 shares on WeChat this month:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

79 shares on X this month:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Making waves on Telegram:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Live now on Reddit:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Freshly posted on Slack:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Trending via Pinterest:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

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