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Commentary:
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness clearly never met a boughtanist! 💸🛍️ Embracing retail therapy one purchase at a time. 😄 #ShopaholicGoals"

addiction, boughtanist, humor, shopaholic, shopping, wordplay

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11 shares on Messenger this month:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

52 shares on X this month:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

17 shares on Slack this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Just shared via Twitch:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Just shared via Discord:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Going bananas on X:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Just shared via Reddit:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Seen just now on Instagram:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

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Activity Log ✨

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Keep the laugh going 😂

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

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