New funny surprise jokes

• Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

• Did you seriously just pique my interest?

• Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

• Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

• Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

• My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

• I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

• I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

• Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

• You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Top funny surprise jokes

• Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

• I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

• Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

• The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

• Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

• ‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

• The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

• Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

• Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

• The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Popular funny surprise jokes

• Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

• The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

• A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

• Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

• The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

• I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

• I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

• Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

• If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

• Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

More funny surprise jokes

• You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

• We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

• Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

• Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

• She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

• Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

• One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

• Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

• That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

• The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Witty surprise jokes

• If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

• Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

• When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

• Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

• Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

• I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

• When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

• I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

• I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

• I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.