Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

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A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

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Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

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Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

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Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

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Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

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Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

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That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

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The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

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I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

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Respect people who wear glasses because they paid money to see you.