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Commentary:
"Ah, the ancient art of parenting: Establish dominance by unleashing your inner 'whine-master' 🤣👑 Who knew the key to ruling the playground was a well-timed meltdown? 🤪 #ParentingProTips"

authority, children, dominance, humor, over, parenting, whining

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

0

2 months ago

communication, dating, drunk, drunk text, humor, i, loneliness, relationship, single, text
I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

0

2 months ago

affection, awkward, awkward situation, bathroom, humor, i, love, matter, relationship, shower, situation, surprise, trying
Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

0

2 months ago

comedy, dark, dark comedy, enough, foodie, hannibal, Hannibal Lecter, humor, killer, lecter, scary, serial, serial killer
Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

0

5 months ago

communication, email, emails, fun, humor, keep, language, office, throwing, today, vocabulary, wordplay, work, work email, writing
The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

0

3 months ago

ally, apathy, awareness, current, current event, depressing, depression, event, fascism, follow, genocide, i, news, people, say, too
You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

0

2 months ago

humor, i, know, let, love, me, sleep, waking, waking up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

33 shares on Discord this month:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

70 shares on X this month:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

47 shares on Facebook this month:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Seen just now on X:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Live now on Facebook:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Shared recently on X:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Making waves on Facebook:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Spotted on Instagram:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Just shared via Messenger:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Just landed via YouTube:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨