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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Trending via Pinterest:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Going viral on Slack:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Freshly posted on Slack:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Spotted on WeChat:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Reported on Snapchat:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Trending via Slack:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Just landed via Messenger:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Just landed via Slack:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Just landed via Discord:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Live now on Messenger:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Just shared via Reddit:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

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