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34 Funny close quotes

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My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.
What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.
While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.
That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.
If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

More funny close quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Commentary:
"Betrayal is like herpes – it's the gift that keeps on giving, whether you want it or not… 🤣💔"
5 months ago
Share →: If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Commentary:
Ah, the invisible force field of personal space in the check out line! 🙅‍♂️🛒 Just remember, if you cozy up too close, you might end up involuntarily sponsoring someone's grocery run! 😂💸 #NeedMySpace
5 months ago
Share →: What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Commentary:
"Oh no, imagine embarking on a wild gummy bear hunt! 🍬🐻 Who knew grocery store aisles were their natural habitat? Better sharpen those skills with a candy safari guide! 🤣 #WildGummyBearChase"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Commentary:
"Reaching that age when simply getting out of bed deserves a round of applause! 👏🕺 Age is just a number, but those applause sure feel real! 😄🎉"
5 months ago
Share →: If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Commentary:
"Ah, the profound wisdom of doors – always teaching us life lessons in their own unique way! 🚪💡 Remember, if at first the door doesn't open, try again. And again. And maybe a few more times just for good measure. Persistence is key, folks! 🔑😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Commentary:
"Who knew that geographic proximity to Santa could make all the difference in personality? 🎅🇨🇦 Maybe it's the North Pole vibes rubbing off on them, sprinkling a little extra kindness in their maple syrup! 😉 #CanadianMagic"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Commentary:
☕ "I'm not addicted to coffee. We're just in a committed relationship. I even know all its little beans' secrets! 😉☕ #CoffeeLove"
5 months ago
Share →: “We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Commentary:
"Deciding on concert tickets vs. deciding on regular life is the real struggle 🤘🎸 Who needs mosh pits when you can have grocery lists, am I right? 🛒🎤 #RockOnInSpirit"
5 months ago
Share →: That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Commentary:
"Imagine having a personal 'personal space alarm' that beeps whenever someone invades your bubble. 🚗💥😂 It would definitely make navigating through crowded places a lot more entertaining!"
5 months ago
Share →: If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Commentary:
"Keeping friends close and enemies at arm's length, just in case you need a good head squishing mime act! 🤏👤😂#SquishSquadGoals"