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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

51 Funny close quotes

Funny close quotes πŸ˜‚ are the unexpected twists that add a sprinkle of humor to everyday conversations πŸŽ‰. They’re those witty punchlines that wrap up a story with a laugh, leaving everyone grinning from ear to ear πŸ˜„. Perfect for lightening the mood or adding a cheeky finish to a chat, these humorous gems are your go-to for a good chuckle or a delightful endnote! πŸ˜œπŸ“š

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

β€œI’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Posted onMay 28, 2026

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

β€œAre you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Posted onMay 26, 2026

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m β€œstill able to do”.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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