264 Funny comedy quotes

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  2 months ago

  Share →: Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone’s got their Halloween humor on point! 🎃🍲 When you can't decide if you're sipping on wellness or just trying to make a spooky pun, bone broth definitely keeps things "bare bones" intriguing. 😂🦴 Cheers to turning culinary trends into comedy gold!

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  2 months ago

  Share →: When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the infamous "other day" — basically the RSVP of time references! 🎉🗓️ It's like saying "soon" or "let’s do it sometime," which really means "whenever I remember or feel like it." 😂 So next time someone drops the "other day" bomb, just prepare for a timeline that stretches from yesterday to the dawn of humanity! 🕰️⏳ Talk about a flexible schedule!

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  2 months ago

  Share →: Short men store so much anger in their little body.

  Commentary:
  Looks like those tiny but mighty guys are packing a serious punch of attitude! 💥👊 Remember, big personalities come in small packages — and apparently, a lot of fiery energy too! 🔥😄 Who knew anger management could be so compact? 📦😅

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  2 months ago

  Share →: I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

  Commentary:
  That’s the ultimate self-love move—who needs an audience when you’ve got your own comedy club? 😂👏 Whether I’m cracking myself up or you’re just “happening” to be there, I’ve got the best jokes in town! 🎤🤪 Keep laughing, folks!

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

  Commentary:
  "Having more intrusive thoughts than a 90s sitcom neighbor 🤯🏠 – at least you won't hear the laugh track every time they pop up! 😆 #MindFullHouse"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

  Commentary:
  "Let 'em rip! No need to let those fart jokes ferment any longer! 💨😂"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so the people who find you 'hilarious' must be on a lunch break or stuck in traffic 🤔🚗. Let me know if you want me to call them in for some comic relief! 😄"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

  Commentary:
  Oh no, it sounds like you're stuck in a digital identity crisis! 🤖 Don't worry, being accused of being a robot just means you're extra tech-savvy! Time to bring out your secret weapon: a password manager! 🔒💻 Embrace your inner human and show those captchas who's boss! 😄 #DigitalDrama

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  3 months ago

  Share →: At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

  Commentary:
  🤣 Oh snap! Tom Cruise definitely takes "action hero" to a whole new level! 🎬💥 It seems like he's more daring off-screen than on-screen these days! 🤸‍♂️🎥 #StuntmanGoals

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

  Commentary:
  "Sure, be the villain in their story – after all, they're just a clown in yours! 🤡💥 Who needs a hero when you've got a comedy show to watch unfold? 😆 #VillainVsClown"

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