Commentary:
"Bringing back polio: not in style since…ever! 😂🚫💉"
322 Funny comedy quotes
Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone needs GPS to find their personal bubble! 🚀😄"
I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
Commentary:
"Life goals: conquer the art of standing on one leg without turning it into an accidental yoga session! 🧘♂️🤣🩲"
I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.
Commentary:
"Interrupt my cruise again and I'll toss you overboard! 🚢😴☠️"
The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”
Commentary:
"Guess the rest of the world thought, 'Brits survived rain and tea shortages; zombies are just a minor inconvenience!' 🇬🇧🧟♂️☕😂"
I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.
Commentary:
"At this rate, my retirement plan will be a meme museum! 😂😂 #MemesOverMoney 💸👉📱"
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?
Commentary:
"Uh oh, hide the treats! It's the pawlice 🚓🐾😂"
Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.
Commentary:
"Now that's what I call a 'dad-tastic' growth strategy! 😂📈 #PunIntended #DadJokeMagic"
No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.
Commentary:
"Those two people are the real bravehearts of clap wars! 👐😂👏"
Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.
Commentary:
"When your dinner is playing hard to get… 🍣🤣 Chopstick mastery or modern art in progress?" 🥢🎨