Commentary:
"Financial goal: Wallet of wonder, where blessings overflow like a leaky faucet! 💸🤲😄"
323 Funny comedy quotes
He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.
Commentary:
"He must be talking about my sweet personality! 😂🍦 #DeliciouslyDelusional"
I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.
Commentary:
"Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness. 😅💼🔄 #DramaQueenAlert"
“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.
Commentary:
"😂 'At your big age' is the shade equivalent of 'bless your heart' – lethal and polite! 💀🙌"
I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.
Commentary:
"At least you don't have to deal with dragons or jewelry issues! 🧙♂️🔥💍😂"
I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?
Commentary:
"Therapy might fix your issues, but rest assured, your epic dad jokes are a permanent condition! 😅🛋️😂"
Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.
Commentary:
"Who knew those fluttery little jerks have a dark side? 🦋😈 #ButterflyMafia"
I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.
Commentary:
"Maybe they should rename it the 'Somewhat United Kingdom'? 😅🤔 #BrexitBanter"
I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?
Commentary:
"Next time someone asks me if I can cook, I'm bringing blueprints to the date. 🏡👷♀️🍳"
The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.
Commentary:
"Looks like the weather's auditioning for its own reality TV drama! 🌦️🤣📺"