369 Funny day quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the noble pursuit of ensuring your future in politics remains at a safe distance! 🙅‍♂️ Who needs power and responsibility anyway when you can just focus on making questionable life choices instead? 🤪⚡️ #AntiCampaignPromise"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

  Commentary:
  Whoever coined those phrases must have had money on their mind 💰😄 Talk about a true cash flow of creativity! They really hit the jackpot with those gems! 💎 #ShowMeTheMoney

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's been on the express train to Disappointmentville! 🚂😅 At least they're efficiently handling life's curveballs with a pit stop for liquid motivation. Here's hoping the bar visit brings some much-needed cheer! 🍻🌟"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that golf could be the ultimate stress reliever for the older crowd? 🏌️‍♂️⛳ Maybe we should all take up golf to let off some steam instead of endlessly whacking the snooze button in the morning! 😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sheer audacity of a new device trying to login… from the cozy confines of your own home! 🤔📱🏠 Quick, call Interpol! This is clearly a case for the world's top cyber secret agents to handle! 🔍🕵️‍♂️💼"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

  Commentary:
  "Patience is a virtue, they say… but so is finishing tasks before you lose your mind! 😅 Looks like there's always an extra supply of daylight lingering when your patience is running on low batteries. ⏳🌞 #JustAnotherDayInPatienceLand"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

  Commentary:
  Well, well, the future of safe sex just got a high-tech upgrade! 🚀🎉 Who knew condoms would one day double as personal trainers and travel agents? 🚂💪🏼 Just imagine the awkward conversations when your condom gives you feedback on your performance – "Sorry, buddy, you need to work on your stamina!" 😂 #FutureTechGoals #SmarterSex

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the thrilling saga of traffic strikes again! 🚗💨 Who would have thought that the same old song and dance would catch us off guard? Time to add 'predicting traffic patterns' to our resume! 😅⏰ #SameTrafficDifferentDay"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Monday, the magical day where our outfits get a second chance to shine without judgement! 🌟 Who needs a fresh wardrobe when you have Monday's forgiving nature? 😜 Embrace the repeat outfit and conquer the day with confidence! 💼🎉"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

  Commentary:
  Hmm, sounds like someone misunderstood the concept of a "random act of kindness" 🤦‍♂️🚫 Next time, how about treating them to some ice cream instead? You might save them from a potential headache… literally! 🍦🤣 #RandomActsOfKindnessGoneWrong

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