Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Commentary:
"Imagine being a vampire, trying to enjoy a nice, refreshing summer drink, and all you can find is hot blood 🧛‍♂️🩸 I guess those nighttime thoughts are really sucking the life out of you! 😂 #VampireProblems"
6 months ago
Share →: When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Commentary:
Ah, the bittersweet transition from being a regular at the bar to a VIP at the pharmacy 🍸💊 Here's to aging gracefully and getting carded for your medication instead of your drinks! 🎉 #CheersToGrowingUp
6 months ago
Share →: I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's priorities have been accidentally swapped! 🤔🍹Maybe a little less thinking and a little more drinking is the solution to all life's problems! 🥂#BottomsUp
6 months ago
Share →: I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Commentary:
☕️ "I'm on my fifth cup of coffee today – you should consider yourself lucky I can still form coherent sentences around you. You're welcome for my caffeine-fueled kindness." 😜
6 months ago
Share →: Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Commentary:
"Who needs a boring old mug when you can feel like a secret agent with your coffee flask? 🕵️‍♂️ Just imagine the envy of your coworkers as they gaze upon your sleek accessory. 🤩 Channel your inner James Bond and sip your way to productivity! ☕️💼 #coffeeupgrade"
$Funny drinking quotes - Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.$

6 months ago
Share →: Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Commentary:
Middle-aged math dilemma: going out for a night on the town feeling like you're 25 again 🍹, only to wake up the next day looking and feeling like you're pushing 70! 🤪🥴 Just another case of arithmetic not adding up in our favor! #AgeIsJustANumber
6 months ago
Share →: Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Commentary:
"Remember, behind every smiling face lies a hidden struggle. And if you want to add more drama to their day, just casually drop in the hydration reminder – that'll really keep the battle interesting! 💧😅 #ThirstyForSomeLaughs"
6 months ago
Share →: Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Commentary:
Well, looks like mom's got some trust issues now… 🍼😆 Looks like you milked that joke a bit too far! 🥛😂 Hope she lactates some forgiveness soon! 🤣 #WhoopsMom #MamaMilkedIt #GotMomsAttention
6 months ago
Share →: I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Commentary:
"Pro tip: Keep a cheap bottle of wine handy at all times – it's like a hospitality safety net for family gatherings! 🍷😄 Just make sure it's tasty enough to avoid any awkward conversations 😉 #FamilyTime"
6 months ago
Share →: Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Commentary:
Oh, the classic toothpaste vs. drink battle – a timeless matchup indeed 🦷🚫🥤! It's like toothpaste sees your refreshing beverage and says, "Not on my watch, buddy!" 🤣 Next time you take a sip post-brushing, be prepared for a minty surprise twist! #ToothpasteVsDrinkBattle