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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,739

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Making waves on YouTube:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Just landed via X:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Just shared via Instagram:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Going viral on Facebook:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

12 Funny duck quotes

Funny duck quotes 🦆 bring a splash of quacky humor to brighten your day! Whether you’re feeling down or just need a giggle, these witty and silly sayings are sure to make you smile 😄. Perfect for sharing with friends or adding a little feathered fun to your feed, get ready to waddle into a world of laughter and joy! 🌟🐥 #DuckLaughs #QuackUp

New funny duck quotes 👇

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

6 days ago

before, chaos, confusion, duck, even, ever, gone, humor, metaphor, organization, originality, places, row
My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

6 days ago

basket, bigger, duck, egg, eggs, elephant, fish, food, fried, fried food, humor, idiom, row
Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

1 week ago

duck, fun, humor, i, maybe, preference, quirky, randomness, scattered
Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

1 week ago

acquire, confusion, duck, humor, metaphor, organization, putting, question, row, where
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

2 weeks ago

animals, drunk, duck, humor, observation, talk, talking, walks
On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

2 weeks ago

duck, humor, joke, numbering, numbering system, quack, scale, system, think
God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

2 weeks ago

animals, chicken, creation, duck, give, God, humor, kazoo, waterproof
My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

2 weeks ago

chaos, duck, enjoy, freedom, fun, hate, having, humor, least, line, making, personality, row
There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

2 weeks ago

boat, camouflage, duck, duck hunter, humor, hunter, hunting, i, money, outsmart, respect, spent
I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

2 weeks ago

being, body, cartoon, clothing, duck, half, hate, humor, i, mind, naked, never, preference, top

For even more funny duck quotes, hit next 👇

All funny duck quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Discord this month:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

23 shares on Threads this month:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

43 shares on Threads this month:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,278

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Spotted on Messenger:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Going viral on Telegram:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Just shared via Discord:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Spotted on X:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Freshly posted on X:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

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