153 Funny expectations quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the infamous romantic interview – where awkward small talk meets the delicate dance of not spilling pasta sauce on yourself 😅🍝 Who knew finding love could feel like a job interview in fancy clothes? #DressToImpressOrElse"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

  Commentary:
  "Applying for jobs is like getting dolled up for a blind date with a mysterious stranger who promises to be your dream partner! 🎭💼 You're all smiles and enthusiasm, hoping for a wonderful connection – but let's be real, sometimes you end up with a total mismatch! 😅🤝 #JobHuntDrama"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

  Commentary:
  "When someone's obsessed with you: Cue the 'Yikes!' soundtrack 🙈. When someone's not obsessed with you: Time to bring out the 'WTF?!' dance moves 💃. Moral of the story – balance is key, folks! ⚖️😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'how is work' small talk question strikes again! 🙄 Yes, Steve, work is just a magical land of rainbows and unicorns where everyday is a picnic. 🦄🌈 Don't mind me, just living the dream in my cubicle. 😂 #adulting"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

  Commentary:
  "Talk about a post-date evaluation! 📝😬 Guess she wanted to make sure you had all the data for your 'Improving Your Dating Skills' report! 📉🤣 #LessonLearned"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Turns out the boss you hate might just be yourself! 🤯😂 Say hello to the demanding, never-let-you-take-a-day-off, forever-critical boss you can't escape – You! 🙈💼 #SelfEmploymentStruggles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

  Commentary:
  "Free Hugs: Making humans happy, but terrifying snakes since forever. 🐍🤗 Just a friendly reminder to watch where you offer your affection! "

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

  Commentary:
  🤣 Oh, the eternal contradiction of email patience! 💌⏳ It's like we expect lightning speed when receiving and turn into sloths when sending! 🐢💨 Who knew our sense of urgency had a split personality? 😅 #EmailStruggles

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the stakes are high with that $2 scratch ticket! 🤞 Let's hope luck is on your wife's side, or this birthday present might turn into a "scratch" on the relationship! 😂🎂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

  Commentary:
  Ah, the harsh reality of marriage – it's not all sabbaticals and relaxation! 🤣 Looks like someone didn't get the memo that "for better or for worse" includes vacation time! 💔 #MarriageStruggles #SabbaticalDenied

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