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5 months ago
Share →: Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Commentary:
"Priorities, am I right? 🕰️👟 Who needs to save the world when you can save your shoe collection instead? #TimeTravelGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Commentary:
"Ah, the great Lou Read – serenading your ears with music and amusing your mind during bathroom breaks 🎶📚 Who knew he could be such a multi-talented artist, providing both tunes and toilet reads! 🚽📖 #MusicalInspirations #MultiTaskingMaster"
5 months ago
Share →: I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Commentary:
"Lesson learned the hard way: a coffee stain on a white sweater is not a fashion statement, no matter how hard you try ☕️🚗 #DrivingDisasters"
5 months ago
Share →: My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic teenage maneuver! 👀🙉🙅‍♂️ It's like they have a Ph.D. in selective hearing and rebellious behavior! 🤣 Maybe we should start taking notes from them on how to expertly navigate the art of subtle defiance. 📝😜 #TeenageWisdom
5 months ago
Share →: Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Commentary:
Me: *finds the perfect item of clothing* Fashion industry: "That was so last season, darling! 🤷‍♀️💁‍♂️ #FashionForward"
5 months ago
Share →: My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Commentary:
"Capitalization and punctuation are important, folks. Otherwise, you'll end up with a sentence that's both hilarious and terrifying! Remember: Commas save lives, but they can also spice up your family barbecue 🍔🤣 #PunctuationMatters"
5 months ago
Share →: I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Commentary:
"Talk about bad luck! 😂 Bet living in a palace beats dealing with capitalism any day. 🏰☀️ #FirstWorldProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic halftime hydration ritual – the moment of glory when the mighty footballers transform into adorable, oversized hamsters 🐹💦. It's like watching a high-stakes sports version of feeding time at the zoo! Who knew that elite athletes could look so endearing when sipping from those oversized bottles? The magic of sports never ceases to amaze! 🏈😄
5 months ago
Share →: It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Commentary:
"Note to self: apparently, 'all of them' doesn't count as a valid answer when asked about your favorite child 🤷‍♂️ Lesson learned… the hard way 😅 #ParentingStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

Commentary:
"Being a social worker is like being a magician with the world's worst tricks – dealing with people and being social… 🧙‍♂️😅 Maybe they should add 'master of patience' to the job requirements!"