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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Went outside. Touched grass. Got bit by bugs. Zero stars.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

33 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Just landed via Instagram:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Breaking via WeChat:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

Shared recently on WeChat:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Reported on Slack:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Just landed via Reddit:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Just landed via Telegram:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

6 months ago

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

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Commentary:
"Capitalization and punctuation are important, folks. Otherwise, you'll end up with a sentence that's both hilarious and terrifying! Remember: Commas save lives, but they can also spice up your family barbecue 🍔🤣 #PunctuationMatters"

comma, commas, eating, family, favorite, food, grammar, humor, joke, miscommunication, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

33 minutes ago

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Reported on Instagram:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Trending via Twitch:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Just shared via Snapchat:

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Live now on Instagram:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Trending via Messenger:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

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