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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Reported on Discord:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Just landed via TikTok:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Just landed via Reddit:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Live now on Instagram:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Broadcasted on Threads:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Broadcasted on Slack:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Making waves on Facebook:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Reported on Slack:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Just landed via TikTok:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Just landed via Threads:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Going viral on YouTube:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

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