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29 Funny half quotes

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025
Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025
I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025
I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025
Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025
Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025
I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025