879 Funny life quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

  Commentary:
  "Office jobs: where paper cuts are considered extreme sports 📄💥 Don't underestimate the danger lurking in the seemingly innocent world of staplers and binders! 💼😆"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Whales go days, sometimes weeks at a time without giving anyone their opinion.

  Commentary:
  "Whales be like: 'Sorry, can't talk, I'm on a sabbatical from opinions 🐋✨' Who knew these majestic creatures were the ultimate masters of silence and contemplation! Maybe we should take a cue from them and practice some 'whale wisdom' in our daily lives. Just keep swimming, dear humans, and save those opinions for a rainy day! 🙊🌊"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like it's game over for the end of the world, folks! 🎮🌍 Who knew all those hours of gaming practice would finally pay off? At least now your teen can proudly say their joystick skills aren't just for show! 😅🕹️ #SavingTheWorldOneLevelAtATime"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like it's time for some creative regret management! 🤔📚 Introducing the oughtabiography – a hilarious tale of missed opportunities and shoulda-woulda-couldas! 😂💭 Don't just read about it, live it vicariously through the pages of 'I Oughta Known Better'! 📖✨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the melodious sound of the alarm clock – the daily symphony of regret and wishful thinking! 🕰️💸 Trading cubicles for castles sounds like a dream worth hitting the snooze button for! 😂 #InheritanceGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

  Commentary:
  "Saving the world, one expired carrot at a time! 🥕🦠 Don't mess with the veggie drawer – it's a jungle in there! 🥦🌿 #FridgeAdventure"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old question: were we meticulously planned masterpieces, or just happy accidents? 🤔 Perhaps a little bit of both! Embrace your unique journey 💫👶 #HappyAccident"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

  Commentary:
  "Life's way of reminding you that adulting is not for the faint of heart! 🏃‍♂️⏩👨‍👧‍👦 Embrace the chaos, because those problems aren't getting any slower!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

  Commentary:
  Ah, the adult version of the classic tune – "wallet, glasses, keys and phone" – where forgetfulness meets responsibility in a not-so-catchy melody! 🎶🤓🔑📱 It's the new jam for grown-ups everywhere, making sure we're always prepared and slightly disorganized at the same time. 😅 #AdultingInStyle

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like it's time for a shelf makeover! 🛠️ Don't worry, you're not expired, just a vintage classic ready for a little TLC. 💤 #TimeForANap"

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