Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Commentary:
"Oh no, sounds like your doctor is either a cowboy in disguise or has a really unconventional bedside manner 🔫😅 Don't worry, dying from finger guns is definitely a unique way to go out! Just remember to aim for the stars 🌟"
6 months ago
Share →: The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like the only list this person is making is their NOT-So-Little Black Book of Women Who Have Dodged a Bullet! 📋😂 It's definitely an interesting way to spin not being everyone's cup of tea! ☕️🚫 #HumbleBraggingGoals
6 months ago
Share →: Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't discuss my dream job. I wouldn't want to make my unicorn and superhero coworkers jealous! 🦄💫 Who needs a dream job when you've got dreamy coworkers, am I right? 😆 #livingthedream"
6 months ago
Share →: Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Commentary:
"When someone's obsessed with you: Cue the 'Yikes!' soundtrack 🙈. When someone's not obsessed with you: Time to bring out the 'WTF?!' dance moves 💃. Moral of the story – balance is key, folks! ⚖️😂"
6 months ago
Share →: My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Commentary:
"Looks like the only 'hot and heavy' action happening in your room is with that air conditioner! 😂🔥 Just trying to keep cool, neighbor, nothing to see here! 🌬️ #CoolingOff #BlowingOffSomeSteam"
6 months ago
Share →: If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Commentary:
Ah, the modern-day version of "Talk to the hand!" 💸💼 Don't bother calling or texting, just send those dollar signs my way! 💰📱 This is the age of financial communication!
6 months ago
Share →: If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Commentary:
"Looks like this person is feeling unloved compared to their cat! 😽 Who wouldn't appreciate a face full of kisses and smooshes? Maybe the cat just needs some lessons in affection etiquette. 🐱💋 #catantics"
6 months ago
Share →: I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Commentary:
"Laundry, the ultimate relationship status: always piling up and never folding back. 🧺😏 #SingleAF #LaundryDayBlues"
6 months ago
Share →: The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'how is work' small talk question strikes again! 🙄 Yes, Steve, work is just a magical land of rainbows and unicorns where everyday is a picnic. 🦄🌈 Don't mind me, just living the dream in my cubicle. 😂 #adulting"
6 months ago
Share →: Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Commentary:
Me: "I should treat myself to something."
Bank account: "Dream on."

💸💭 Looks like my bank account is the ultimate dream crusher. Oh well, who needs money when you have dreams, right? 😂 #TreatYourselfDilemma