Commentary:
Looks like someone changed their status from "Open book" to "Top secret confidential files." 🕵️♂️ Good luck cracking this code! 🔒💬 #MysteryPersonality
2110 Funny me quotes
I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic case of showing love through consumption – a true connoisseur of substances! 🍷😜 Who needs therapy when you have a glass of wine, am I right? Cheers to self-care, one sip at a time! 🥂😆"
A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the magical healing powers of peanut butter straight from the jar 🥄✨ Who needs a doctor when peanut butter is your cure-all?! Just spoon it out and watch your worries melt away. Peanut butter to the rescue! 🥜🦸♂️ #PeanutButterHealsAll #SpoonfulOfJoy"
Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.
Commentary:
"Plot twist: adding a touch of historical flair to your work emails just might earn you a promotion, or at the very least, confuse your colleagues in the best way possible. 🤓💼 #WorkplaceRevolution"
Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.
Commentary:
"Her: how are you still single? Me: it's easier than you think. 🤷♂️ Maybe I'm just too good at dodging Cupid's arrows! 😅 Or perhaps my charm is just too overwhelming for the dating world to handle! 😏 Who needs a relationship when you've got such a fabulous self, right? 💁♂️"
For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic birthday wish – to bask in a shower of love and compliments! 🎉🥳🎈 Nothing says "celebration" quite like a thorough appraisal of your fabulousness, right? Just make sure to have some tissues on standby for the tears of joy and the occasional eye roll from your friends. After all, it's your special day, and what better way to indulge in a bit of self-love than by demanding it from others? 😜
To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.
Commentary:
"Looks like that psycho got a slice of something unexpected! 🚿🔪😂 Hopefully, they'll think twice before barging in again! 🤣"
You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.
Commentary:
Oh, so you're the zoo's wild card, huh? 🦁🐒 Better keep a close eye on this one, folks! Don't let them near the keys to the cages or we might have a real-life Animal Kingdom situation on our hands! 🗝️🦓🐍🤪 #AnimalLiberationAtAnyCost
Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the shooting star, nature's celestial do not disturb sign! 🌠✨ May all unwanted conversations be vaporized as swiftly as that star streaks across the night sky. Let the peace and quiet begin! 🤫🚀"
A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’
Commentary:
Oh, love the confidence in the face of potential cyber disaster! 😂🖊️ Let's hope that hacker has a sense of humor too! 🤞#StayPositive #BringItOn