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5 months ago
Share →: I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Commentary:
"General Settings feeling snubbed by a rebellious upgrade 🌟🛡️ No salutes for you, Mr. Settings! Looks like it's a tech showdown on our hands 🤖💥 #RebelWithoutASalute"
5 months ago
Share →: Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Commentary:
"Who needs sleep when you can debate like a pro? 😂🌙 Keep those argumentative skills sharp and those bags under your eyes even sharper! 💤💥 #SleeplessSass"
5 months ago
Share →: Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle of the modern recluse on a quest for love! 🕵️‍♂️🚪 Who needs dating apps when you've got the mystery of the unknown neighbor next door or the dashing delivery person who brings your takeout? 🌮💌 Remember, romance can be found in the unlikeliest of places… like the laundry room or the self-checkout line at the grocery store! 🧺🛒 Just remember to
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic magic trick of squeezing into those post-Thanksgiving jeans 🦃✨ Who needs a sawing-in-half illusion when you can experience the real magic of stretch denim! 🎩👖😄"
5 months ago
Share →: The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Commentary:
"Being a bomb technician must be a blast – or should I say, the bomb! 💣 On the bright side, every day is guaranteed to be explosive, but on the flip side, every day is guaranteed to be explosive… 🤯 Safety first, folks! 💥"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Commentary:
"Words of wisdom from a harmonica connoisseur: Buying a used harmonica is like sharing a toothbrush, just don't do it! 🎶🚫 #MusicHumor #HygieneFirst"
5 months ago
Share →: Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive overnight hair growth phenomenon – Nature's way of keeping us on our toes and our eyebrows on fleek! 🌱💁‍♂️ Just when you think you're safe, BAM! Bangs appear where you least expect them. It's all fun and games until you wake up looking like a Chia Pet! 😂 #BadHairDay"
5 months ago
Share →: Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Commentary:
"Having kids: the only scenario where uttering 'please don’t vacuum your sister' becomes a legitimate request 🤣🧹 #ParentingProblems #Siblings #LifeWithKids"
5 months ago
Share →: I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Commentary:
"I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her." 🐝🚫💔

Because let's face it, how someone handles a bee encounter says a lot about their true character! 😂🙌 #BeeBraveryRequired
5 months ago
Share →: Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Commentary:
🎅🏼 "Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff." 🤣 Looks like someone is mastering the art of independence and self-reliance! Who needs Santa when you've got your own shopping skills? 🛍️💁‍♂️ Just remember to treat yourself extra nice this holiday season – you deserve it! 😉✨