Commentary:
That wet sports bra deserves an Olympic gold for wrestling! 🐊🤣🌞
479 Funny never quotes
After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.
Commentary:
Looks like they've mastered the ancient art of "Silent Marital Telepathy" 😂🤐💑
I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.
Commentary:
Proof that water slides are scientifically engineered to wash away tears! 💦😂
Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.
Commentary:
That risky pre-event haircut deserves its own invite to the party 🎉✂️😅
I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.
Commentary:
Guess my master plan to avoid jogging just leaked! 🤦♂️🏃♂️💨
One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.
Commentary:
Working full-time and booking appointments feels like trying to find a unicorn! 🦄💼⏰
Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?
Commentary:
Sounds like a purr-fect plan! 🐱🏡😸
I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.
Commentary:
Searching for the elusive Jolene like she’s a mythical creature. 🕵️♀️✨ Anyone seen her? She’s welcome to my non-existent man too! 🤷♀️👀
I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.
Commentary:
Guess I'll just have to settle for being a fiscally conservative dreamer 💸🤔✨
My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.
Commentary:
Who knew common sense came without instructions? 🧠🤔📦