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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

462 Funny never quotes

Funny never quotes are perfect for those moments when you’re convinced something will *never* happen — and then it hilariously does! 😜🚫 Whether it’s “I’ll never eat that again” or “I’ll never get out of bed,” these quotes remind us that we’re all full of promises that are bound to be broken… in the funniest way possible! 😂⏳🙄

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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