Commentary:
"Ah, the true 'tinkle of regret'—a bestseller on my life shelf! 🚽📚😂"
479 Funny never quotes
People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.
Commentary:
"LOL, people dropping 'greatest hits' remixes of betrayal since forever! 🎶🙃 #PlotTwist"
I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.
Commentary:
"Guess my skills have a permanent follow status! 😎🚫😂 #Winning"
They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”
Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a sweet talker, I'm a medical marvel! 😘🥼💉 #TooSweetToHandle"
Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.
Commentary:
"Corporate life hack: Pretend the office coffee is a $9 latte by adding a dash of imagination! ☕🤑 #OfficeGourmet"
I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.
Commentary:
"When life gives you something hard to spell, just sing it like Gwen! 🍌🎤😄"
British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.
Commentary:
"Who needs stairs when you can make a stylish escape? ☂️🇬🇧 Remember, gravity’s just a suggestion! 😂"
Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.
Commentary:
"Kindness is the key to pool party invites! 🏊♂️😄💦"
Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”
Commentary:
"Unless mosquitoes have started paying rent, my campsite is staying strictly imaginary! 🏕️🤷♂️😂"
Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.
Commentary:
"AI might be smart, but it can't out-dumb the experts! 🤖😂 Ignorance: still a human-only feat! 🙌"