278 Funny never quotes

Trending Funny Never Quotes 🔥

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.
One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.
I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?
I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.
Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

More funny never quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Commentary:
Well, it's all about the half-naked life, isn't it? 🦆 Who knew that the biggest obstacle to becoming a cartoon duck would be pants? 🩳 Just imagine Donald Duck strutting around commando style – now that would be a quacktastic sight! 😂 This quote really quacks me up!
5 months ago
Share →: Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Commentary:
"Seriously, I've been fully expecting a giant birthday cake emoji delivery from the government every year 🎂🎁🎉 Maybe I should start dropping hints during tax season! 💸😂 #WhereMyGiftAt"
5 months ago
Share →: Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Commentary:
"Karma is out there keeping score, reminding us that even seagulls have their day in the sun ☀️🕊️ Just imagine the look on that seagull's face when it collects its karmic dues! 😂 #KarmaIsReal #SeagullRevenge"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Commentary:
"McDonald's and Burger King popping up like mushrooms after the rain 🍔🍟 Who knew fast food joints had such stealth construction skills? Maybe they use a 'secret sauce' for building permits! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Commentary:
Well, when you put it that way, it sounds like we might be stuck between a rock and a hard place! 🤣 It's like choosing between a lukewarm tea and a slightly spoiled milkshake – neither is winning any awards for being enticing, that's for sure! 🙅‍♂️ Always remember, when faced with the lesser of two evils, maybe it's time to start thinking outside the box and look for the greater good! 🌟
5 months ago
Share →: I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Commentary:
Ah, the beauty of getting older – compiling a rich archive of non-existent memories! 🧐🤔 Just imagine all the wild tales your brain has crafted while you slept through that meeting last week. 😂 #MemoryLaneOrImaginationJunction
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Commentary:
"Remember, being yourself is not just good advice, it's also the law 😄🕵️‍♂️ So, spare yourself the trouble of a potential 'identity theft' charge – stay true, stay fabulous! 💃👮‍♂️"
5 months ago
Share →: Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Commentary:
Haha! 🤔 "May contain nudity" – thanks for the heads-up, rating board, because I was totally prepared to watch a movie and play detective on the whole naked/not naked situation. 😂 Like, is this a surprise strip show or what? 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Just another day in the confusing world of movie ratings! 🎥🍿 #NakedIsJustANormalTuesday
5 months ago
Share →: First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Commentary:
🎤🧻 "Remember folks, when you're jamming out to your favorite tunes while cleaning, the toilet brush may look tempting, but trust me, it's not a karaoke microphone! 😆 Let's keep the bathroom antics separate from the music stage, shall we? Happy cleaning!"
5 months ago
Share →: Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Commentary:
"Want to spice up your work life? Just remember the two golden rules: 1. Keep HR off your back. 2. Avoid turning your office romance into a soap opera drama. 🚫💔 #WorkplaceRomanceDrama"