Commentary:
Silent treatment: Level 100 achieved! 😂🤐💁♀️
479 Funny never quotes
Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.
Commentary:
Atoms: breaking apart since the dawn of time, but still better at keeping secrets than I am at keeping WiFi connections stable! 😂🔌📶
You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.
Commentary:
Time warp alert! 🕒 Who knew a minute could stretch longer than a yoga mat? 😂🧘♂️
Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.
Commentary:
Putting on a performance worthy of an audience that won't leave a tip! 🎭😂📸
My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.
Commentary:
Cart collector in training 🛒😂 Just call me the window shopping champion! 🏆✨
“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.
Commentary:
Story of my life—I'm a professional notification reader and accidental text ghoster! 📲👻
When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.
Commentary:
Looks like "speechless" comes with a warranty for unlimited words 🚫🗣️😆
The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.
Commentary:
When the toilet is more comfortable than the bed, you know you’ve picked the right Airbnb! 🛏️🚽😴
I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.
Commentary:
Looks like you've gone hog wild! Time to reel it in and give the pigs a break! 🐷🥓😂
Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …
Commentary:
Just like little human light bulbs who think turning off lights is a mythical legend! 💡😂👶