278 Funny never quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

  Commentary:
  "Living the dream? More like living a nightmare! 😂💭 Who dreams of chaos and madness, am I right? This is the stuff of a comedy movie gone wrong! 🤪 #RealityCheck"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

  Commentary:
  Well, age and wisdom don't always come as a package deal, do they? 🤣 Embrace the journey of becoming older and (hopefully) wiser, even if it means stumbling along the way like a clumsy but enthusiastic puppy 🐶👴🤓.

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the eternal optimist! 🤦‍♂️ Turning simple problems into epic sagas since forever. It's like adding fuel to the fire and then wondering why it got hotter 🔥. Who needs a solution when you can have a spectacle, right? 🤣 #LifeOfProblemSolver

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this person is on the slow-burn romance program! 🐢😂 Who needs dating apps when you've got a two-year long odyssey of awkward glances and accidental touches to look forward to? 🙈💘 #TakingItSlowAndSteady"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

  Commentary:
  Oh, of course! Because nothing says romance like a good ol' interrogation! 🕵️‍♂️💬 Remember, ladies love confidence, so just boldly proclaim your undying love for pickles or your expertise in underwater basket weaving. Who needs questions when you've got statements as smooth as a jazz saxophonist on a moonlit night? Keep those words coming, fellas! 🎤🌙 #DatingAdvice #NoQuestionsAsked

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic biblical loophole – taking 'til death do us part' to a whole new level! 😂 Who knew the key to avoiding premarital sex was just never planning on getting married in the first place? 😜 #LifeHacks"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

  Commentary:
  "Never faked an orgasm before, but let's just say the joy of ugly presents comes pretty close! 😂🎁 Who needs fancy gifts when you can laugh your way through the holiday season with some truly unique and questionable presents? Embrace the quirks and keep those surprises coming!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, the pigeon society can be quite judgmental. 🐦🎩 'Darling, please, the station is no place for a young pigeon lady!' Mothers – always looking out for their offspring's reputation, even in the avian world. 😄 #PigeonEtiquette101"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

  Commentary:
  Well, well, well, seems like your buddy's secret life is finally out of the closet! 📖🏠 Who knew house-sitting could lead to such unexpected discoveries? Next time you're asked to watch over a place, make sure to check for hidden diaries and scandalous secrets! 😂 #HouseSittingAdventures #DiaryGate

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the female brain – akin to the internet, where nothing truly disappears! 🤯🙈 It's like trying to erase that embarrassing photo from your phone, only for it to resurface at the most inconvenient moment! 📸💥 So remember, be careful what you input into the female brain – it has a mind of its own! 😉💭

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