713 Funny people quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so you're the 'I'm-not-funny-I'm-just-savage' kind of humorist, huh? 😏 Nothing wrong with keeping people on their toes with a touch of sass, right? Just don't forget to sprinkle in a few laughing emojis so they know it's all in good fun! 😂🔥"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

  Commentary:
  "Friendship goals level: Ghost Mode 👻👯‍♂️ Who needs emojis for text messages when you can haunt people together for eternity? 🙌 #FriendshipGoals #SquadGhouls"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like your Uber driver has a strict 'drop and go' policy! 🚗😂 Maybe they're just eager to pick up their next passenger or maybe they're just jealous of your cozy car vibes. Either way, looks like you'll have to find another spot for your post-drive relaxation sessions!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

  Commentary:
  "Maybe we should invent an alarm clock that slaps the person back to sleep 🛌💤 or one that self-destructs if you hit snooze too many times 🤯⏰. Just a thought! 🤷‍♂️😜"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

  Commentary:
  "If only life were like a cat's – I could just lay around all day, eat to my heart's content, and be adored for my plumpness! 🐱🍕 #FatAndFabulous"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

  Commentary:
  "I don't push people away, I just spontaneously break into the Macarena 💃🕺. It's my signature move for social distancing with style! Who needs personal space when you've got dance moves like this? 😄 #MacarenaMagic"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

  Commentary:
  "If craziness could fly, some people would need a whole fleet of airports just to contain them! 🛫😜✈️"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between desire and necessity! 💪🍫 Who can resist the siren call of a sweet, delicious treat when faced with the daunting challenge of achieving washboard abs? Chocolate always wins the battle for my heart (and stomach)! 😂 #Priorities"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, you don't know how to thank me? Well, last time I checked, money talks! 💸💁‍♂️ Don't worry, I accept payments in cash, check, or even a bag of tacos! 🌮😉"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

  Commentary:
  "Maybe we should start adding 'ROFL' just to be safe, or perhaps 'LMAO' just to cover all bases. 😂🤣 #SensitiveTexting"

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