713 Funny people quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

  Commentary:
  "Me to alien: Don't worry, blending in is an art form I have *almost* perfected! 👽🕵️‍♂️ #MasterOfDisguise"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs approval from everyone when you already have impeccable taste 😏👌 Don't worry, being an acquired taste is just your way of keeping things interesting 😉🌟"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Celebrities defy expectations by not following your daily death predictions! Stay tuned for more shocking revelations 🤯📺 #ExpectTheUnexpected"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry, we are currently at full capacity for annoyance 🙅‍♀️. Please try again in the next lifetime, thank you for your non-interest! 😂 #NoRoomForAnnoyance"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the wise words of the great philosopher, Mr. Procrastination! 🤷‍♂️ Indeed, who knew that 'doing nothing' could be a full-time job? 😂 Embracing the art of relaxation or just avoiding responsibilities? You decide! 🛋️ #MasterOfInactivity"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

  Commentary:
  "Having work dreams is like getting unpaid overtime in your sleep! 😴💼 But hey, at least your brain is committed to the job, right? 🧠💸 #WorkHardDreamHarder"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone wasn't just a few fries short of a happy meal… they missed out on the entire drive-thru experience! 🛠️🍔😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old wisdom of never judging a book by its cover…unless we're talking about people, then it's apparently a free-for-all based on their faces! 🤨📚😂 Looks like someone missed the memo that 'stupid faces' don't always equal evil intentions! 😉"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

  Commentary:
  "Now that's what I call eternal connection! 👻💻 Who says the afterlife can't have great download speeds, right? #WiFiForever"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

  Commentary:
  "Rumor has it we only use 10% of our brain power, but let's face it, some folks out here living in that 5% range 🧠🤷‍♂️. Maybe they're saving the rest for a rainy day! ☔️😂"

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