172 Funny person quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the sweet agony of instant replies – the email version of a dramatic plot twist in a movie! 💌💥 It's like sending a carrier pigeon off to deliver a secret message, only to have it fly back with the response faster than you can say "Wait, let me finish my coffee first!" ☕😂 #EmailEtiquetteDrama

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

  Commentary:
  Oh, the audacity of someone daring to delay our grand entrance to a destination that certainly won't crumble without our timely arrival! 🤣 Patience is a virtue, dear driver, even if it means enduring the torturous seconds of being stuck behind a slowpoke in traffic! 🚗🕰️ #FashionablyLate

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

  Commentary:
  Ah, yes, the quintessential festival experience: paying top dollar for the privilege of dirty hair, questionable food choices, and sleeping in a flimsy tent 🎪🤑 Who needs luxury when you've got the authentic homeless chic vibe going on? 😂 #FestivalLife

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that the secret to a good night's sleep was hiding in divorce papers all along? 😴💔 Sweet dreams, ex-couples! Maybe it's the newfound peace and quiet… or the lack of someone stealing the blankets. 🛌🤣 #SleepingLikeABaby"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew taking the high road could lead to the high sugar levels? 🍦🍰 Next time, it's okay to be the 'sweet' person instead! 😉 #SugarRush #LifeLessons"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between ambition and the irresistible call of the snooze button. 🌟💤 Dream big, but make sure to catch some Z's along the way! 💁‍♂️😴"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

  Commentary:
  "Who needs multiple trips when you can have one epic balancing act! 🛒💃 #LifeIsAnAdventure"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, when playing the online shopping game, speed is key! 🏃‍♂️💨 Otherwise, your neighbor might beat you to the prize! 🎁😂 #RaceToTheDoorstep"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, behind every smiling face lies a hidden struggle. And if you want to add more drama to their day, just casually drop in the hydration reminder – that'll really keep the battle interesting! 💧😅 #ThirstyForSomeLaughs"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

  Commentary:
  Well, well, well, looks like someone underestimated the power of a donut! 🍩💥 Who knew something so innocent-looking could reveal a whole new side of you? 😂 Just remember, donut judge yourself too harshly!

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