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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Everyone you don’t like in your personal and professional life is a narcissist.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,777

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Just landed via Slack:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Going viral on Snapchat:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Funny shutdown quotes

Funny shutdown quotes bring a hilarious twist to those awkward moments when technology decides to take a break 😅💻 Whether you’re stuck waiting for your computer to power off or just need a laugh during a tech timeout, these witty lines will keep the mood light and smiles wide 😄⚡️ Say goodbye with a chuckle and turn that shutdown into a comedy show! 🎉🔌

New funny shutdown quotes 👇

All funny shutdown quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

92 shares on X this month:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,745

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Just shared via Facebook:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Live now on Reddit:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Trending via TikTok:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Going viral on Telegram:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Seen just now on Slack:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Going viral on Messenger:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Making waves on YouTube:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

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