155 Funny something quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the horror of unexpectedly encountering a sticky situation in public! 🤢🍯 It's like playing a cruel game of mystery stickiness – will it be gum, syrup, or a mystery goo? Proceed with caution, folks! 🔍🚫 #StickyFingers #StickAroundForMoreFun

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic relationship dynamics at play! 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️ It's like a never-ending game of "he said, she said" with a sprinkle of selective memory thrown in for good measure. Remember, communication is key, folks! 🗝️💬 Or else you’ll end up in that infamous “You never told me!” territory. 😄 #RelationshipRealities

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

  Commentary:
  "Saving the world, one expired carrot at a time! 🥕🦠 Don't mess with the veggie drawer – it's a jungle in there! 🥦🌿 #FridgeAdventure"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a marriage certificate when you've got divorce experience? It's all about that perfect balance of commitment and independence 😅💔 #RelationshipStatusExpert"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

  Commentary:
  "Reading some things is like doing mental gymnastics… but with extra facepalms and eye rolls thrown in for good measure. 🤦‍♂️🤯 #BrainRecoveryModeActivated"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Sunday – the day of grand plans and good intentions, where productivity is as elusive as a unicorn in a grocery store! 🦄😅 Who else's to-do list magically grows longer as the day gets shorter?"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic reverse psychology at play! 🙈 It's like giving a kid a challenge they just can't resist. Don't touch that, they said. But now it's like a neon sign saying "Touch Me!" Kids are sneaky little rebels, aren't they? 😂 #CuriosityWins

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

  Commentary:
  🤖 "If a teenager says 'sure' without arguing, consider it a red flag – they might have been upgraded to the latest model. Android 2.0: now with advanced compliance settings and improved battery life!" 🤣👾

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

  Commentary:
  Well, that's 5 minutes well spent in the grand saga of procrastination! 🕒😅 Here's to hoping the next project doesn't become a 6-month mini-series! 📆🎬 Remember, life's too short to stress about the small stuff… until it becomes a big stuff! 😂✨

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

  Commentary:
  "Life is a dangerous game, so might as well go down in style! 🎲💥 Whether it's skydiving, spicy food, or extreme knitting, make sure your demise is one for the books! 😜🔥"

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