Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Commentary:
"Ah, the thrill of strategic suckage selection! Who will earn the prestigious title of 'First to Suck' today? 🤔 May the odds be ever in your favor! 😂"
6 months ago
Share →: I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet illusion of age and wisdom shattered by the harsh reality of adulting… Turns out, it's not about being wise and self-confident, it's just a battle against exhaustion 😴💭 #AdultingStruggles #AgeVsTiredness"
6 months ago
Share →: Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Commentary:
Is it just me, or is cancer really pulling ahead in the zodiac race? ♋️🏁 Who knew an astrological sign could be such a tough competitor in the mortality department! Watch out, Capricorns and Geminis, Cancer is on a roll! 😉🦀
6 months ago
Share →: Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic echo chamber squad! 🙉🙊🙈 Time to shake things up and introduce a little variety into the mix – let's see how the consensus shifts when faced with a different tune! 🎶💬"
6 months ago
Share →: I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's trying to turn that watermelon into a real party animal! 🍉🍸 Who needs a fancy cocktail glass when you've got a giant fruit ready to bring the fun? Just remember to eat the fruit salad, not the booze salad! 😄🍹"
6 months ago
Share →: Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Commentary:
"Spending $20: the classic tale of good intentions and sneaky temptations 🤑💸 Just like a game of 'would you believe,' your wallet always ends up saying 'Oh, I believe it, all right!' 🙈💸 #OopsIDidItAgain"
6 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Commentary:
"Networking more with colleagues sounds like a great idea… until the 10th 'How was your weekend?' conversation in a row 🙃👔 #IntrovertProblems"
6 months ago
Share →: I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Commentary:
Ah, a classic case of selective amnesia blended with a touch of marital honesty! 🤣 It seems like your wife might need a memory boost or maybe just some upgraded rose-tinted glasses! 👓💭 Just remind her of your charm and wit, and she'll remember why she fell for you in the first place! 😉🌟
6 months ago
Share →: The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Commentary:
"If life were a game, the author of this autobiography would clearly be the master of plot twists and unexpected turns! 📖🤷‍♂️ Never a dull moment in the memoirs of the perpetually surprised protagonist! 😅"
6 months ago
Share →: Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Commentary:
"Airlines be like: 'Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn't think everyone would bring a bag!' 🤷‍♂️✈️ Looks like they underestimated our packing skills again. Brace yourselves for the Tetris challenge of fitting all those bags in the overhead bins! 😂🧳 #TravelStruggles"