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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,287

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Trending via Telegram:

I run a parody bank account.

Seen just now on Slack:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Seen just now on X:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Spotted on Reddit:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Funny unavailable quotes

Funny unavailable quotes are the perfect way to keep things light and cheeky when you’re off the grid 📵😂. Whether you’re dodging texts or just embracing a little mystery, these witty lines add humor to your “out of reach” vibe 😎📴. Ready to turn your absence into a laugh fest? Let’s dive into some playful sayings that make being unavailable anything but boring! 🎉📱✨

New funny unavailable quotes 👇

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

0

2 months ago

alone, alone time, favorite, favourite, humor, introvert, life, mood, relaxation, social, social life, state, time, unavailable
Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

0

2 months ago

absent, absent father, actually, boss, daily, daily presence, day, distance, dynamics, emotional, emotional distance, emotional unavailability, emotionally, every, family, family dynamics, father, father figure, figure, final, humor, life, lol, met, parent-child, parent-child relationship, presence, relationship, sucks, unavailability, unavailable
Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

0

2 months ago

excuse, horror, horrors, humor, insist, reality, self-insistence, sorry, unavailability, unavailable
Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

0

2 months ago

$2.99, entertainment, frustration, humor, irony, movie, rent, service, services, streaming, streaming service, unavailable, unfortunately, want, watch
Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

0

5 months ago

availability, behavior, conversation, drinking, drunk, emotional, emotional availability, emotionally, humor, i, me, please, sober, social, social behavior, stop, talking, taxi, unavailable, why

All funny unavailable quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

85 shares on Reddit this month:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

21 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

29 shares on Facebook this month:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,286

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Just shared via Slack:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Just landed via X:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Trending via X:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Just shared via Facebook:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

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