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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has shared:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has downloaded:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has copied:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has shared:

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has bookmarked:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has shared:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has viewed:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,403

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via X:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Spotted on Reddit:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Shared recently on X:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Breaking via Threads:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Going viral on Slack:

Why’s it always β€œNYC smells like pee” and never β€œmy pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Shared recently on WeChat:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Spotted on Reddit:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Humorous text questioning baby oil with a playful, witty tone about babies and greasing.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, one thing's for sure – those babies must be preparing for some serious slip 'n slide competitions! πŸŒŠπŸ˜„ But really, maybe baby oil is just their secret weapon to escape diaper duty smoothly πŸΌπŸ’«.

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on TikTok this month:

When you say β€œYou’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

56 shares on X this month:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

92 shares on Slack this month:

If I had 50Β’ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

78 shares on X this month:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m an adult, but not the β€˜makes positive life choices’ kind.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has viewed:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has copied:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has shared:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on YouTube:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Just shared via WeChat:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Can we change the phrase β€œCan I be frank with you” to β€œCan I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Spotted on Reddit:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Spotted on TikTok:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

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